If you believe that corporate welfare amounts to legalized prostitution, especially in the area of government subsidies to retailers (a practice that was, a few short years ago, illegal for Industrial Development Agencies) youll probably think that this is a case of fair use. If you believe that the denigration of politicians has turned people off from politics, you might find this new and improved article is completely unfair. Fair or foul, keep in mind that its like we said, were only trying to have a little fun.
City officials go fishing for additional retailers
Fresh off landing in the brothel of new pimp, Daddy Bass Pro, a contingent of Buffalo Gals traveled to various New York City red light districts on Tuesday in search of additional retail tricks.
(Retail is sex industry slang for using business or government accounts to pay for sex. A john who pays retail is highly desirable because customers who are using embezzled funds can afford to be more generous. Whores that can assist clients in creating such slush funds help themselves and also their clients. )
Long time two dollar whore, Mayor Anthony M. Masiello joined freshmeat Timothy Wanamaker, head of the city's Office of Strategic Planning, and four development staff bitches in stalking retail prey at the International Council of Shopping Centers fall meeting in Manhattan.
"I'm here to tell our story of arousal and excitement, and we're getting a very warm reception," Masiello said with a wink. Freshmeat Wanamaker, who has represented Buffalo at past meetings of the group, said last week's Daddy Bass Pro announcement has increased interest in the area.
"There are key retailer johns we've had difficulties getting a meeting with in the past, and now they want to see us," he said. "When you tell people Daddy Bass Pro is coming to town, its like Christmas: Ho, ho, ho! It opens doors.
Masiello concurred, Its like Snoop said, we gonna pop it like its hard.
Masiello said that as soon as these potential clients noticed his name tag, he was greeted with congratulations on his decision to hook up with his new pimp, Daddy Bass Pro.
"I probably had 15 people talk to me about it just walking through the lobby," he said. Its like getting a new set of boobs and showing your cleavage. This group lives and breathes retail, and they couldn't say enough good things about the impact of Daddy Bass."
Masiello and Wanamaker had several set meetings with an undisclosed list of retailers, ranging from "big vagina" clients to upscale, specialty fetishists, as well as national retail brokers. Both whores expressed a mix of optimism and caution when they talked about attracting any of their targets to Buffalo.
"The good news is we're getting the propositions, but these deals take time and patience," Wanamaker said. "It could take two or three years to get a firm commitment, tap into the taxpayers wallet and set up these retail accounts. These retail johns force taxes to go way up, and taxes are sky high already. But on the bright side, weve always had the D.A. in our pocket, we just made a deal with the Attorney General, and we got plenty of hos ready to hit the street.
Masiellos input on this: Word.
Retailers looking to ride the coattails of Daddy Bass into Buffalo, he noted, will time their decisions to the Sportin Life Daddy Basss 2007 Sha-dizzlinThrow Down. Pimpin!
Patrice Duker, spokestrumpet for the shopping center council, said public sector participation in the organization's retail meetings has been growing. The group's convention last spring in Vegas featured a keynote session on how to whore out the community interest through public-private partnerships (industry slang for intercourse and fellatio) that drew two-dollar whore mayors, like Masiello from 50 U.S. cities.
The event's "leasing mall," which features peep shows for retailers, developers and brokers, has grown to include a "municipal court," where cities and regions tout their charms and show a little leg to the retail world.
"The private sector johns want to get laid, and the public sector hos wants growth that fits with their master plans and long-term growth strategies," Duker said. "It makes a lot of sense to get them talking to each other about price at the outset."
She also noted that, with Daddy Bass Pro in its future, Buffalo brings more to those conversations.
"It's instant brand recognition for Buffalo. Buffalo is famous for its political whores, already. It's a destination retailer, if there ever was one, that attracts a strong, dedicated core customer," Duker said. "When you can put a Daddy Bass Pimpdom on the table, it lends credence to your pitch, absolutely."
In addition to telling retailers about possibilities in Buffalo's Erie Canal Harbor entertainment neighborhood (euphemistically known as Maiden Lane in the early years of Buffalos rich history of prostitution) and the Main Street corridor (once home to numerous burlesques and bawdy houses), city representatives also are plugging the potential of Elmwood, Hertel and Jefferson avenues as retail destinations.
Masiello noted that he was willing to, Ho the whole damn thing out.
For now, though, Masiello said, that Buffalo group's growing list of introductions should be considered a victory; more serious meetings would follow in the months ahead.
This is much more than just another booty call, Masiello said with evident satisfaction. By John McMahon
Few political figures have been more controversial in Erie County politics than the former Democratic Party Boss, Steve Pigeon. As a guest on WHLD radio show, The News Hour, Pigeon lived up to that reputation by labeling Buffalo Mayor Tony Masiello as a two dollar whore.
Some might find that characterization somewhat ironic, considering the source. However, it does give us some material with which to work.
After reading Sharon Linstedts article on the mayors Bass Pro public relations campaign, we thought wed have a little fun by extending Mr. Pigeons colorful imagery to the wonderful world of government handouts.